J.E.S.S.I.C.A

There is nothing like family to humble you.  Especially when there is a Jessica in your family. Jessica is my younger, arguably better looking sister (I got the brains, she got the looks and the heart)… Jessica has no filter. At all. She tells it like it is, often exaggeratedly worse than it is and has no remorse about it. Ask Heather, she’ll tell you.

 My aunt once told me (when I was like 13) that my sister would be easy to find a husband for. Me on the other hand, well the family should probably start worrying about that because my future appeared bleak in the wifey department. Her argument for this was that I am too independent and would not do a good job at making a man feel needed… Anyway, fast forward 11 years and her predictions are slightly true. My sister is 21, engaged and has an 8-month old. Spinster sister is merrily living, not worrying so much about a husband yet.

So spinster sister invited Jessica and Kaitlyn (see below) for a few days of playing in Tallahassee. They left Saturday night. I feel like I’ve just been spit out of a tornado. I love my sister and Kaitlyn more than anything in this world. It  is because of this love that I am able to take the following statements with a grain of salt:

“Jo, what the hell is wrong with your face?”

“Jo, learn to do you’re hair. You look like a rat.”

“Jo, why are you’re jeans so big? I tried all of yours on and they’re all huge on me!” (She is skinnier now than pre-preggo days)

“Jo, clean your room.”

“Jo, pay attention! When you have kids you’re going to forget them at Publix, I swear.”

“These tacos taste like nothing. Did you forget to put sauce on the beef?”

“Jo, you wear too much makeup.”

“Jo, you’re holding her wrong, oh my goodness I feel bad for your kids.”

She also had lots of things to say about everyone she met. Eric is weird. Natalie talks funny. Heather has “strong” arms and a big butt (but this is a good thing to her)… you get the drift.  We tried playing table topics with her and she was clearly not itnerested. After a few rounds of grinning and bearing it she interrupted and asked “Is this what people do when they have nothing to talk about?”

All of her statement’s were solidified with a short lunch trip to Mr.Roboto’s. We ran into my friend Max and he asked me who the girl I was with was. I told him he was my sister and he said, “That’s what I figured. I thought to myself, that looks like Jovanna, only hotter.”

Thanks Max.

Heather and I got a crash course in Mommy 101. We are baby retarded. Maybe it’s a good thing I’ve got a few good years before I have to start figuring all that out. My sister has zero faith in my ability to parent someone. I think she’s off. I’ll read books and do a good job… just as long as I don’t have to hear the theme song to The Backyardians ever again.

 

Randoms:

I Love:  Jill Phillips.

I believe in: 100cameras.

I’m volunteering at: Extreme Makeover Home Edition: Tallahassee.

I’m running: ZTA’s Race to Live 5k